Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
