i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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