ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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