we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
