There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
