Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Everyone says I win the strip club
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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