Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
