It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
