I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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