guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
