He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
