dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
