So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
