I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
