I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is my gift to your gina
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
