He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
