There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
