he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
