Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
