You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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