Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
