I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
