I love black thongs
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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