So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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