Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
