he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
