Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
