I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
