Kiss
Puke
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
