I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
