Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
