Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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