Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
