Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A+ Viking dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
