So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
