Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
