Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
