my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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