I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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