I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
