So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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