I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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