11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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