Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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