I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
