Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
