I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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