why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
