he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
