I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
