I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
