so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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