so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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