I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
