meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
