This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
